Mune...Heading Towards the Finish Line

So Mune is simply a nonsensical word that I made up...May + June = Mune. I wanted to post a brief blog entry about what's been happening the last couple months before I head into the thick and busyness of thesis writing in July. 

This update won't be very long, but I'll provide some highlights from May and June in pictures. Who doesn't like pictures? I do...

In the middle of May, the MATUL commissioning was held in Manila. It was held in my first community, and also the community where my professor Dr.Viv began his work back in the 1970s and 80s. Leaders and directors of different MATUL sites around the world (Nigeria, India, and Brazil to name a few) came to discuss what has been happening at their MATUL sites. These leaders are pioneering indigenous MATUL sites; some of the sites have foreign students like myself there, while others just have local students. It was neat to be able to attend and hear about how God is using the MATUL program to address issues affecting slum communities all around the world. 

Our classmate, Doug, from the Kenya site came to Manila to present at the conference.
It was so nice to reunite with him after a year and a half : )

A discussion on pastoral care for MATUL students

A year has come and gone since I've been living in my community in Payatas. I moved into my current homestay in May of last year and my host sister Trinity was born 2 weeks after. There was a baby dedication for her at the church on her birthday. I was asked to be a ninang (godmother) and I gladly accepted. : ) 

Kuya Arnold introducing the baby dedication service

Erika and I with Trinity; I'm holding her a little awkwardly...

Trinity & her cake 

For our Advocacy & Urban Environment course, Erika and I are interning with a church in Tres, a community in the Payatas barangay that is right beside a trash dump. The head pastor of the church has lived there for about 25 years and has done a lot of work, helping secure land rights for community members and seeking to make the community more beautiful despite its undesirable (and smelly) location. There are multiple feeding programs daily at the church as well as numerous outreach events in the community. 

A glimpse of Tres; the "hills" in the back are actually layers of garbage

Those are just a few of the highlights of what's been happening lately. I only have a short 4 weeks left of my summer semester and MATUL program. I can't believe it. I'm almost done with my interviews and a friend in my community has been helping me transcribe and translate them, which takes quite a long time. There is so much to do, but so little time. 

I hope that this isn't my last blog post before I leave the Philippines on August 8th, so I can write about the month of July and all of its silliness before re-entering the U.S. I know it'll be a difficult period of adjustment back to a life that I think should feel familiar, but likely won't as I experience reverse culture shock. 

I would love your prayers as I deal with the stress of completing my program. I've been doing my best to stay calm and to trust that the Lord will help me power through despite the challenging living conditions and time constraints of everything. I know that I shouldn't fear the future, for God is already there. 

That's all for now. : ) Talk to you soon. <3 

View from the front of the church

March & April: Silliness & Busyness

My apologies for this very delayed blog update. It was a very busy past semester (as usual) and I didn’t have much time to collect my thoughts. I’ll add a funny story to this March & April update to compensate. : )

A Silly Story
I haven't shared too many anecdotes from my time here, but a number of funny things do happen to me in the Philippines. This particular event happened at the end of March and I somehow ended up being an instant nanay ("mother" in Tagalog). It was Sunday evening, and I had to pull an all nighter in order to complete a proposal and application for my thesis project so that I could send it to an ethics board in the States for approval; receiving approval would allow me to begin my research (I have been approved since then! Praise the Lord). The previous week had been really crazy as Erika and I were working on our applications and running around, trying to get things translated, printed, scanned, and signed to include in the application by the deadline.

The awkward picture that resulted from that morning...
(Note the sagging boutonniere) 

I had already planned on going to the elementary school graduation for Andrea, one of the girls from my church/community, and was aware that it was on Monday morning at 7am (I don't know if you're thinking the same thing I was...What graduation starts at 7am?!). I had been working with Erika at her place, which is about an hour from where I live. So at 5:30am I leave Erika's place and am rushing to get back home so I can bathe and be on time for this graduation. I get to my house at about 6:45am and hurriedly take my bucket bath and get ready.

As soon as I walk up to the basketball court at 7am where the graduation is held, I don't see Andrea or her mother, and am not really sure what's happening. Normally Filipino events start late, but I'm surprised that I already see a line of students entering the court, one by one, and they each have a parent beside them as they enter. This one boy from my community who I've met a couple times isn't accompanied by a parent like all of the other kids are. I see my host dad's mom and she tells me Kawawa talaga, wala siyang kasama (How sad, he doesn't have a companion). She urges me to get in line beside him so that he'll have someone beside him as he walks in the ceremony. I'm hesitant to walk beside him in the line since (1) I'm dressed very casually, (2) I don't have a special "parent ribbon" like all the other parents in line do, (3) I don't know this boy very well, and most importantly (4) I don't what's happening. I'm so tired and not sure if this is the best decision, but I feel bad so I get in line beside him. 

As we start walking towards the court, some vendors are really pushy and trying to sell orchid boutonnieres for 20 pesos (about 45 cents). We're a minute or two from entering the basketball court, but I see that almost everyone else has a flower on their gown, so I buy one for the boy. We're almost to the front of the procession at the entrance of the court, and I'm hurriedly trying to pin this boutonnière on the boy's graduation gown as we're walking. I recall that I couldn't even do this at my own prom in high school and had to ask my mom to pin it onto my date's tux. I'm sleep deprived and trying to stick the needle through the boutonniere as we're walking. I'm doing my best not to stab the boy. Hand-eye coordination isn't so great when you're running on zero hours of sleep. I don't succeed and the flower is pinned on his gown, but not well, so it turns upside down and sags. : ( 

We end up getting to the entrance of the court, where there's a man with a camera taking pictures of the student and parent duos. We both feel super awkward, but can't prevent the picture-taking from happening. I end up sitting with the other parents and the boy, Ivan, ends up sitting in a different area with his classmates. The graduation lasts about 2.5 hours (complete with Filipino songs, speeches from some local politicians, and award ceremonies) and it gets pretty hot halfway through. I never found Andrea's mom (the parents of boys sat on one side and parents of girls sat on the other), but was able to see Andrea when she walked on stage to get her certificate. Turns out that there wasn't any space inside the court aside from the one parent allowed, so everyone else had to watch from outside the fence. They looked like prisoners as people peeked from between the metal wires : ( I'm grateful I had a seat. Standing in the hot sun for 2.5 hours is rough.

The end. : )

Spring Semester School Things 
So I’ve just completed the first week of my sixth and FINAL semester of the MATUL program. I can’t believe it. I am always so surprised when I reach the end of a semester, and I can only attribute each semester’s completion to the grace of God. To recap this past Spring Semester: 

For our Entrepreneurship project, Erika and I ended up working with Banaba House Ministries again (as opposed to working with the rice business that I mentioned a few months ago). We helped develop a funding proposal for a small business (a piggery) that the BHM youth would run. It would help provide some supplementary funds for the ministry, as well as develop leadership skills and responsibility among the youth. Pork is big in the Philippines and one of the youth used to run his own piggery so he has the expertise to lead the business. Our proposal for the piggery even got funded by a donor connected with the ministry! : ) In the course we expanded more on the theology of entrepreneurship and this course added on our theology of economics course that we took last year. Our God is a God of creativity, innovation, and resourcefulness, and it was neat to see how this fits in the urban poor context. 

Teacher Kim (in purple), Catie, and I, with the ALS students after a class

Our Education internship was also under Banaba House Ministries, and we assisted and shadowed with the ministry’s Alternative Learning System program. Erika and I attended classes on different days and throughout the semester, I interned with the English class on Thursday afternoons. It was interesting to learn more about the challenges of this non-formal education program in the Philippines. For most ALS site,s there is no tuition fee for the students, but this means that there is less accountability; student retention is a big challenge that this ALS site faces. In addition to teaching a few classes, I really enjoyed being able to get to know the students and hearing their stories. In this education course, we explored public & private schools, vocational schooling, and faith & non-faith based schooling. Education is an important thing in ending cycles of poverty, but accessibility is a tricky thing for the poor. Many students in the Philippines drop out early due to family issues or the need to work to help out their families. 

For my thesis project, I ended up deciding to research Environmental Stewardship among urban poor Filipinos. Issues of creation care and a connection with the land are very near and dear to my heart. I feel that nowadays we're more disconnected with our natural environment as our living spaces become increasingly urban. I'm still not sure what creation care looks like in the urban poor context, and so I wanted to explore it further. I believe that it's important to honor the Lord by caring for the Earth, but am aware that for the urban poor, they are more concerned with survival than sustainability. A part of me is very insecure about my topic as it seems like other students' topics on sex trafficked women, refugees, education, and grassroots pastors training are more important. But I know that environmental justice is a part of the Kingdom too; it not only involves reconciliation with us and God, but with others, and with the land. 

Other Happenings...
In April, My host sister, Hadassah, turned 7! There was a simple birthday celebration at the church and a whole bunch of kids from the community came for the food. There weren't any activities or presents, but it was still a joyous and blessed time to celebrate her day of birth. 

On the far left, you will see hot dogs & marshmallows on sticks, a favorite of the kids

Our friend from the previous cohort, Jake, along with two girls from the Delhi, India MATUL site, Valerie and Emily, came to visit at the end of April! We had the privilege of showing the girls our communities and giving them a taste of our lives in the Philippines. It was such a sweet reunion to see Val & Em since I hadn't seen them since our semester in Los Angeles at the end of 2013 before going into the field. Even though our countries' contexts are very different, there's a special bond between MATUL students; we have similar hearts for justice, the gospel, and the poor, and we also understand how hard it is to do school while living in an urban poor community.

A birthday lunch to celebrate Jake's 25th at his former home stay

Some boats at sunset at El Nido, Palawan

During the one-week semester break, we went to Palawan, an island in the Philippines that is a common place for foreigners to visit when they come to the country. Erika and I went with Jake, the Delhi girls, and Stephanie, our fellow Manila classmate from the new cohort. It wasn’t a very pricey or fancy trip, but we were just glad for the opportunity to get some fresh air and to get out of the city.

Las Cabanas, a beach that was a 10 minute tricycle ride from where we stayed

Unfortunately, none of us were done with our assignments for the semester and were trapped in the hotel room for the majority of the week as we struggled to finish up our late projects. It was definitely challenging to keep working throughout this brief semester break, especially since I knew that another semester of work was waiting around the corner for me. We were all exhausted, but were very grateful to be together as we suffered and pushed on. On the final day, we all made it out to the beach before heading back to the city. I would definitely love to go back to Palawan some day (without the school assignments of course).

As I embark upon my last semester of MATUL, I'm nervous about a number of things. I still have no idea what I'm doing when I finish the program in August. I'm exhausted. I have no idea how I'm going to complete my thesis (i.e. make appointments to set up the interviews, complete a couple dozen interviews in Tagalog, synthesize and analyze research, etc.). I need to set up and start an internship for this semester's Advocacy and Land Rights course. I'm afraid of how busy this semester will get and how stressed out I'll become. But I know that the Lord is good and gracious and somehow everything will get done. May He be glorified in all that I am and all that I do.

As always, thank you for all of your prayers, love, and support. <3

Februrary: School things, stress, and singleness

February has come and gone oh so quickly. It scares me to think that I only have five more months in the Philippines, as it reminds me of how much schoolwork I still have for this semester and that I need to decide soon what I want to do with my life (or what next step I want to take post MATUL). 

At a Filipino restaurant for a language teacher's birthday at the end of January. No utensils!

This semester for my Education course, I’m interning with a branch of the Alternative Learning System (ALS). The ALS program is only in the Philippines and caters to out of school urban poor youth. Each "school year" lasts 10 months and there is an exam at the end of each year and passing this is similar to the equivalent of getting your GED (high school equivalency) in the States. The classes are three hours each and are five days a week (each day has a different subject), but I’ve mainly been helping out with the English class on Thursdays. I taught a class on pronouns this past week and it went a lot better than I expected : ). The youth are really enjoyable to chat with and they’re a fun bunch to be around. ALS is under the Philippines’ Department of Education, but each branch can be run by different organizations; this branch is run by Banaba House Ministries, a ministry in the community where Erika lives. Banaba House Ministries hopes to encourage the youth in their education as the teachers believe that education is a powerful tool in stopping the cycle of poverty, but they also hope to mentor and disciple the students.

With my host sister Trinity Grace at a neighbor's house

For the Entrepreneurship class, Erika and I are working with Simpleng Bigasan, which is a rice business that is run through a local church. We're just at the beginning of the process of this partnership, but we hope to help them develop a business plan to help the business become more profitable and run more effectively. Mmm Thesis class is a whole different story. I originally wanted to write on something environmentally-related, but my professor said that my ideas were too broad and since it's already so late in the semester I should just move in a different direction and seek a local organization that I could help contribute to. I want my thesis to be this big, wonderful thing, but I also need to remember that this thesis project doesn't determine the rest of my life. I'm currently looking into working with a local faith-based organization that mentors and develops urban poor youth and leaders through educational programs. 

I can share a little bit about singleness, since it’s been a big part of my MATUL journey and I was strongly reminded of it this month because of Valentine’s Day, which is pretty popular here in the Philippines. In short, I have never felt my singleness so strongly. Before MATUL, it never bothered me very much that I was still single and that I had friends who were dating, but I think the loneliness that I experience while in field makes me much more aware of how I don’t have a significant other. During the really difficult times when I crave comfort and solace, I imagine how nice it would be to have a significant other. But I know that in the loneliness I need to seek the Lord, for He is the only one who can give me the peace that I need; having a boyfriend/husband won’t solve all my problems and make my life complete, despite what popular culture seems to insinuate. It’s also very common here in the Philippines for people to ask you if you’re single upon first meeting you. In the States, this question comes off as very forward and intrusive since it’s a personal matter, but I think that the relational nature of Filipino culture makes it seem like a topic of casual conversation.

If you’re still reading, I would really appreciate prayer for anxiety. Every semester is really busy and stressful, but these last couple of weeks Erika and I have been especially anxious about how much work there is to be done, especially as we embark upon the thesis planning and writing process. The stress can be so overwhelming that it’s hard to think straight or get anything done, which is no good. In addition, I would also love prayer for presence. I do my best to spend time with my host family, people in the community, and the youth at my internship when I can, but lately I've found it more difficult to do so when I just want to be alone when I'm overwhelmed (being an introvert is really hard for me here since being around people all the time makes me really tired). 

A lovely quote that I saw in my friend Lindsey's notebook; Lindsey is a MATUL alumna and is still in the PH as a missionary

Thank you for reading and journeying with me. I am grateful for you. : )

Start of Year Two

This post is a bit late…I was hopeful about writing an update when I was at home in California during the Christmas Break, but I think I needed more time to reflect and process about the past year in the Philippines. It’s also difficult for me to look back at each semester since I’m reminded of how stressful and challenging it was; this kind of scares me for future semesters, but it does remind me of how faithful God is. 

A few highlights from the last Fall semester…

For our Leadership of Urban Movements class, we had to lead a small group in the hopes that it would multiply. Erika and I decided to lead a weekly small group for the kids in my community. It was fun, but challenging due to our limited Tagalog. Our small groups involved a good number of videos of Bible stories, snacks, as well as a lot of games (which the kids loved). In the end, I'm glad that the kids had fun and were able to be exposed to stories from the Bible (if they weren't already familiar). Another plus was that I got to know many of the kids in my community better and they always greet me with a smile and a "Hello Ate Amanda" whenever they see me around. 

The Community Transformation class involved a project where we had to do a “seed project” (basically a small project in the community that benefits the residents and demonstrates Kingdom values). Erika and I helped organize a disaster preparedness workshop in her community. The community is very prone to bad floods during the rainy season and we thought it’d be good to get some community members together to discuss the issue. We were so grateful that our language teacher, Kuya Mark, agreed to help us lead it. The workshop was pretty simple, as it involved basic discussion of disasters as well as a mapping of the community to note important resources. 

I really enjoyed the Primary Healthcare class for last semester; I also like health-related things in general and so I enjoyed being able to learn more about health concerns and issues among the urban poor through readings, assignments, as well as the projects of my classmates in different countries.  I ended up doing my final project for the course on Childhood Development and it was interesting to see how the kids' backgrounds and upbringing have affected their educational and emotional/social development. The internship at the Gentle Hands orphanage was a bit challenging as it often felt like we were tutoring the kids and playing with them more than we were learning about Healthcare related issues, but I’m very grateful for the time that I was allowed to spend there Gentle Hands is a beautiful organization and the level of care that they give for the kids that they take in is amazing. It’s amazing how God has provided for the organization and how the love of Christ has transformed so many of the kids.  

In short, the Fall semester was exhausting with projects, classes, internship, and doing life in general, but I felt much better emotionally than the previous Summer semester. I’m glad that I did go home for the Christmas break (even though our program director preferred that we didn’t) since I really needed the rest and a conducive study environment to finish up late papers and projects. I really missed burritos and In N Out. And obviously all of my family and friends too : )

This semester, I’ll be taking three more classes:

1) Educational Center Development: A course analyzing schooling in the third world and how urban poor churches can be involved in developing and improving schools in their communities. This course also requires an internship where we’ll intern with a school that serves the urban poor population. 

2) Entrepreneurial and Organizational Leadership: This class is intended to develop entrepreneurial and organizational leadership skills (business-y things) needed for development movements among the urban poor. It’ll build on our Theology of Community Economics course that we took last year. 

3) Research Project/Thesis Part I: We’ll be designing our research proposal on a “missiologically significant issue on behalf of an urban church movement or community organization.” This class will continue next semester, during which we’ll be writing the bulk of our thesis. 

Two new MATUL students, Stephanie and Amanda (we’re not sure if we need nicknames to differentiate us haha), joined us earlier this month. I'm excited for their companionship, and it’s been refreshing to see them be excited about the Philippines & Filipino culture, like we were upon arriving last year. We went (or tried…) to see Pope Francis this past weekend, and it was really wet and crowded. We made an honest effort to see the pope with our own eyeballs, but there were way too many people so we could only see him via one of the screens that were along the road. Definitely a fun adventure though. 

Thanks for reading and I look forward to sharing more of what’s on my heart these final two semesters of MATUL. : )

The new Team Manila! Cohorts 4 & 5

Change

Change can be a really scary thing. In my life in the Philippines, very few things are ever constant. And it really scares me. I'm a person who likes routine. To know exactly what is going to happen next, without any surprises or changes in plan.

Since starting MATUL, I've really felt my youth as a young 22 (and now 23) year old. I guess it's human nature to think that we're pretty mature, especially in comparison to previous stages of our lives. I do feel that I've grown in terms of rolling with the punches. Life here is really unpredictable and it's something you're kind of forced to get used to. Maybe there'll be a brown out (power outage) and I'll have to use candles to go to the bathroom and be without a fan. Maybe it'll take me two and a half hours for me to get to my destination instead of the usual one and a half because the traffic is extra bad. Things like that. It's been a journey of learning to not become consumed by how upset or frustrated I am when things are not how I predicted them to be. To remind myself that God is still good and that sometimes I'm just having a bad day, but not a bad life.

I guess I felt like talking about the concept of "change" for a bit because my classmate and teammate, Erika suddenly moved out of my community this month because her home stay wasn't very healthy for her and there was an opportunity for her to move out. There are no hard feelings in the situation and it's really sad to see her go. I really loved having her support and presence in the Trece community for the last four months, and it was really helpful to have a travel buddy, especially when I have to make the long commute home after night classes at the seminary.

I guess this isn't the usual update about the things I'm doing, but more of me talking about a big part of this journey. Will I choose to be joyful on the days when I'm genuinely not happy? Why am I so ungrateful and focused on the negative that I overlook my blessings? My worldliness and brokenness comes out sometimes in a way that appalls me. Sometimes I'm really ashamed of my attitude.

-Henri Nouwen

I came across this piece when a MATUL classmate shared it with the other MATUL students a few months back. I think it's beautifully written and describes the challenges of leaving our familiar routines and loved ones. You can view the rest of the piece here.

"The cost is real.

The endless goodbyes. The missed birthdays and holidays. The wedding vows said outside our hearing. The eulogies spoken without us in the pew. The fellowship and friendship circles that go on without us.

We say goodbye to a lifestyle, to routines and rhythms, to familiarity.

We say goodbye to favorite places that evoke memories and a sense of belonging and comfort, fun, and togetherness.

We say goodbye to shared experiences, those everyday moments when inside jokes are born, secret smiles are shared, knowing looks are passed between sisters and friends.

We miss out on those little conversations mostly about nothing that create a whole lot of something between two people...

Somewhere in the midst of your goodbyes is a sacrifice that you and God have wrestled over. You laid your Isaac on the altar and there was no ram in the thicket to rescue and return your sacrifice. Your “yes” stands. Your sacrifice accepted. And not just accepted, but rejoiced in, delighted over, honored by Jesus.

So, as you tearfully separate from your support system,

as you walk to the car hand in hand with your loved one,

as you hug your nieces and nephews a little tighter,

as you promise your fiancé you’ll be back in ten months,

YOU ARE DECLARING THE WORTH OF THE ONE WHO CALLS YOU."

I've been thinking back to this article lately because at the beginning of the month, my grandfather passed away (also my last remaining grandparent :( ). Although we were never very close due to the language barrier-my inability to speak very much Cantonese and his inability to speak very much English- it really hurt. I was reading the email from my parents about what had happened in a coffee shop one morning, and tears just flowed down my face. A part of me was sad that a piece of our family is no longer there, but it was also this overwhelming reminder that life goes on without me back at home in California. In addition to all of the weddings, graduations, and birthdays that I've missed, my dog is getting older, my younger cousins are growing up, and friends are experiencing new things and sharing moments without me. It's tough to live a life that is apart from everything and everyone that you've known and loved.

Hopefully this post doesn't come across as too negative. God has been so gracious in this journey and I have no regrets. Anything that advances the Kingdom of God is worth it, as difficult as it may be. I'm excited for the fruit that is to come after learning all of these wonderful things and putting them into action. I'll provide a better update about the things that I'm learning and doing regarding healthcare, leadership movements, and community transformation once the semester is over in the middle of December. : )

September

I can't believe that October arrived so quickly. I kind of wish that I was back in the States prepping for Halloween by carving pumpkins and eating candy, but Filipinos have been celebrating Christmas since the start of September so it's been kind of nice to be in the holiday mood extra early. Malls and stores have their Christmas decorations set up and are playing Christmas songs (Filipinos love Christmas as you can tell). The first month of the semester flew by as I got thrown back in the swing of things with the fast pace of school and its deadlines. The semester break was really helpful in terms of rest, but at times I feel just as tired as I was before the break since everything is so chaotic.

Walking back home with Erika on a typhoon-y day. 

This past month, there have been a few typhoon-y days, which are slightly awful if Erika and I still need to trek to a coffee shop for internet for our online classes. The rain combined the wind drench your clothes and unfortunately umbrellas don't do too much :( But I am grateful for my current homestay location, as my previous community was badly flooded during one of the typhoons since it's next to a river. I saw on the news that people in the area were getting around via boat and a lot of people had to be evacuated from their homes due to how high the waters rose. 

For our Primary Healthcare course this semester, Erika and I are interning at Gentle Hands, which is a Christian-based orphanage in the city. There are about 100 kids at Gentle Hands, ranging from babies a few months old to teenagers. All of the kids are really adorable and the beautiful smiling babies in particular make me really happy. I kind of want to adopt them all… But it's been challenging in terms of receiving supervision and direction in the internship. At times, it just feels like Erika and I are playing with kids instead of learning about health concerns among the urban poor (not that we don't enjoy playing with the kids). We're considering looking into stress disorders and development issues among the kids due to the difficult environments they come from. On a different note, it's kind of funny how Erika and I will speak Tagalog to the kids, but they keep telling us to speak English to them so they can practice since most of the adopted kids will end up with families in the United States or Australia; in most situations, we're used to automatically speaking Tagalog unless we have to revert to using English to communicate what we're trying to say.

On an unrelated note, Erika's homestay got bunnies! 

At the end of September, Erika and I went on a 2-day silent retreat with our host ministry organization. The retreat was in Baguio (about 6 hours away from Manila by bus) at a Catholic retreat house. It was really lovely being away from the chaos of the city and being able to spend time with the Lord. I must admit that two days of complete silence was really difficult. There was even no talking during meal times! It made me realize how I seem to have an opinion about a lot of things (more negative than I'd like) and how silence really allows us to focus on God alone instead of always engaging in conversation. I was able to spend a few minutes speaking with a spiritual director about my prayer time and I asked her about the times when I'm waiting upon the Lord and I feel like the Lord isn't giving me a concrete answer about a particular situation or question. I loved what she said. She told me that it's like yeasting (I didn't know that was a word before); when there is yeast in the dough, it seems like nothing is happening for the longest time, but there is. She said that it's similar to the process of waiting. The waiting is not in vain, and something happens to us during this process of waiting. And when we find our solace in Jesus during these times, the answer to the question will often become secondary.

My room during the silent retreat. It smelled a little musty...

With Erika in the garden at the end of the retreat

During one of my classes last week, our professor discussed with us about our calling and vocation. Since the beginning of the MATUL program, some students voiced that they were already pretty sure that God was calling them to live long term among the urban poor. Others, such as myself, are still really unsure of what we are called to. My professor, Dr. Viv Grigg stated, "Vocation is an expression of the voice of God through us. But sometimes the Lord withholds a vision because He is allowing you some freedom in terms of your future." I don't quite know what direction I'm going in right now, but hopefully I'll have a slightly better idea at the end of the program next year. When deciding upon which country to go to for MATUL, someone told me: "Don't you think that God is big enough that He can work in whatever decision you make? I don't think you can go wrong as long as you've been putting God at the center of your decision-making and seeking him in the process."

Thank you, thank you for your love & prayers. Go carve a pumpkin for me please?

This is what one of my online classes looks like. This class has students from Nagpur, Kolkata, Delhi, Bangkok, and Nairobi, while the professor is teaching from the U.S. Pretty neat, huh? Technology is amazing. 

Midway

**Firstly, I skipped a blog update for July because I was feeling pretty overwhelmed and didn't know how to express everything that was going on in a few paragraphs. But I'm doing a lot better now and will update you about recent happenings. : )

Sometimes I think that what I'm doing is pretty crazy. Other times I think of how normal it is since so people live in similar (or worse) conditions around the world. So I'm currently finished with the first year of MATUL and am now a second-year student in the program! It's crazy to think about all that has happened within the last year- from panicking about finding housing in Los Angeles for the first semester, deciding to move to the Philippines, and to where I am now. A lot of joys, a lot of tears, and a lot of growth.

With Erika at her host mom's birthday party at the end of July

Here's a few of the things that I've learned in my first year of MATUL:
1. Stop glorifying busyness.
Just because you achieved more things in the course of a day doesn't make you a better person or necessarily make you a better steward of your time. There's a reason why God created the Sabbath and intended for people to rest on a regular basis. It's especially difficult to feel like my usual productive self here since it's hard to get a lot done in the course of a day due to the conditions here (traffic & public transportation, a lot of waiting in lines, the extreme weather). I've learned from my community about the value of spending time with loved ones and just being. I do think it's important to be aware of how we spend our time and to spend it well, but there really needs to be a healthy balance, which may vary depending on the context and season of life we're in.

2. Be kind to yourself.
I don't know if it's the American or the Asian in me that makes me think that it's better to be as hardcore as possible (academics, being thrifty, etc.). MATUL is not about who is the most hardcore or who can live in the roughest conditions possible, but it's about choosing to live simply and in solidarity with our urban poor neighbors & friends out of respect and to learn more about the challenges and struggles of the urban poor. Over the last year, in particular in the Philippines, I've seen how I change under highly stressful conditions and it ain't pretty. It's difficult though to not feel guilty about doing things to rest, such as going to see a movie (since they are considered very luxurious even though it only costs about $4), since they are things our urban poor neighbors never able to do due to financial constraints. I guess this guilt ties in with my privilege (that's a whole different story), but I must remember that I do come from a different background.

3. Be open about your struggles.
I've felt that in recent years I've learned about how beneficial it is to share with others about the things that I am struggling. I think that it's a scary thing to let others know our hardships and struggles because it makes us vulnerable, but I think that's the beauty of community. Being able to be genuine with others about these things and to receive love and support in return has only been helpful in this MATUL journey. There's always so much to process everyday and it helps to be able to talk it out instead of keeping it to myself. *Thank you so much to my friends, family, and SVAC family who have been loving me so well. You're the best.

4. Nothing is more satisfying than Jesus.
As I am continually being pushed to my limits and stretched beyond my comfort zone, I am learning that nothing is more satisfying than being alone with the Lord. Back at home in the States, I'm not always the most diligent when it comes to my devotionals and quiet times, but I find that here, I am so thirsty for Jesus. Erika and I actually came upon a Christian bookstore yesterday and it made me so happy. Similar to my experience in India a couple years ago, there is a deep intimacy with Jesus that develops when I do not have the things that normally make me feel like me; the amenities which make me comfortable, the foods that make me happy, the conveniences that I'm used to.

"Nothing teaches us about the preciousness of the Creator as much as when we learn the emptiness of everything else." -Charles Spurgeon


Here's a few bullet points about the last couple of months...
July:
-At the beginning of the month I was feeling really stressed and was having difficulty emotionally; I was actually unsure if I would be able to get all of my work done by the end of the semester and was considering filing an incomplete. After talking a bit with my program director and he told me that it appeared that I was displaying symptoms of depression, it was then that I knew that I had to be more intentional about taking care of myself. I don't really know what it was, but perhaps it was due to the intensely stressful environment/the new move to a new community/the exhausting daily commutes. I was unmotivated to do things, sad often, and really exhausted. It was no fun.

Turning 23 (by candelight)

-I turned 23 in the middle of July and it was definitely a memorable birthday. The typhoon had caused a brownout so we didn't have any electricity or running water for a few days, so that was kind of not too fun, but it was still wonderful because I got to spend my birthday with some wonderful people.
-My friends, Haley and Marissa, from my UCSB days came by Manila for some InterVarsity Trek business and I got to see them for a bit! It was so nice to catch up with them. I also got to meet this year's InterVarsity Manila Trekkies and share with them about MATUL and what happened between the Trek and now; it was really encouraging to see how excited they were to share about their experiences and how they all felt they had grown a lot over the summer as they sought Jesus in some really difficult places.
-By the grace of God, I finished my 2nd semester in the Philippines and first full year of MATUL in the last week of July. It's times like that when the Lord really demonstrates that He will never forsake me; every time that I think I've reached my breaking point and can't keep pressing on, He proves me wrong. It blows my mind.

August:
-This last month of rest was wonderful, and it's definitely allowed me to recharge in preparation for the Fall Semester which began this week.
-At the beginning of the month I had to say goodbye to three of my beloved classmates from the previous cohort as they had finished their theses and were returning back to the States to debrief, process, and rest. It was really sad to see them go since they were such a great support system and were really great friends to hang out and process with, but they taught me and Erika well and I'm so grateful for all of the wisdom they've shared.
-I was able to stay with my good friend Michelle from UCSB at her apartment in Nagoya, Japan for a week and a half and also visit my good childhood friend Satomi in Tokyo for a couple days. Japan is the exact opposite of the Philippines in so many ways. Both are Asian islands in the Pacific and are only a few hours apart via airplane, but the culture and environments are stark contrasts. I had such a blessed time adventuring with Michelle to places like Hiroshima; I also love that we can do simple things such as puzzles and watching Friends on her laptop and have a blast too.

At Kenting National Park in Taiwan with my parents

-I also had the privilege of hanging out with my parents in Taiwan for about a week and a half. It's so nice to be cared for by parents after the chaotic life that is MATUL. The weather was hot and humid; the food was cheap and delicious; public transportation was efficient; there were a lot of beautiful things that were visited.

Now:
-I'm taking 3 online courses: Community Transformation, Leadership in Urban Movements, Primary Healthcare
-I'm in the process of setting up an internship for my Primary Healthcare course where we will be interning with an organization that provides healthcare for an urban poor population, and our projects will involve providing recommendations for further development of the organization.
-I'm continuing with seminary courses and still taking 1 or 2 Tagalog language classes each week.

Thanks for reading and keeping updated : ) And as always, thank you for your prayers and love, they've made a world of difference.