Summer: Transition, Joys, Challenges, and Fears

The last couple of months have definitely had their ups and downs. But who doesn't have ups and downs?

It's only been about 2 months since I left UCSB and all my friends there, but it feels like a lot longer. I was warned in advance that the transition after college would be difficult, and I agree. It's hard to say goodbye to friends who I've spent most of the last four years with and grown really close to. But I think that challenges like this are good. I think we grow much more from them than we do from the "comfortable" events and happenings in our lives. I must say that I do miss being able to walk 2 blocks from my apartment and be at the beach.

I went on a brief missions trip to Mexico with my church at the beginning of a July and it was such a blessing. The camp is called Rancho Genesis and you get paired with 2-3 amigos from an orphanage, and they're your buddies for the week (you eat meals with them, play games together, and sightsee together).  The camp is a combination of VBS (Vacation Bible School) and going out to do fun things (we went golfing, to the beach, the pool, to a Chinese restaurant, etc.) with the kids. I loved being able to be away from my cell phone, computer, and other distracting things and focus solely on loving my kids. Even though I got sick in the middle of the week and did not particularly enjoy the cold, outdoor showers, God reaffirmed my desire for simple living. I find that being uncomfortable reminds me that I need to draw near to Him at all times.  

With my amigos, Nayeli & Paulina, at La Buffadora. I miss them.

I'm definitely nervous about doing MATUL. There are so many unknowns in the future and personally, I really like to know exactly what's coming. For classes, I would scan every word of the syllabus so I knew what important deadlines to look out for and what exactly the professor was expecting. In preparing myself for MATUL this summer, there were so many concerns that constantly plagued me: Where am I going to live? Will I be able to handle all the stresses of the program?  How will I fundraise? Will I be able to handle the workload of school again? Am I crazy for doing this? What about the graduations, weddings, and other important events that I'll be missing out on? I've had trouble sleeping for most of the last month because I've been so stressed about life.

The song "Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)" by Hillsong United is a pretty popular song right now within Christian circles, but has really resonated with me the last several months as I've been preparing for MATUL and getting ready to plunge into the unknown. This song is also where I got the title of my blog. Almost every time I listen to the song, I get super emotional. The first time (of many...) that I've cried when listening to this song was when I had gone with my roommates to see Hillsong United perform at the Hollywood Bowl in June.

"Oceans" inspired me to paint this. 

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
(You can listen to it here)

The lyrics remind me of how beautiful it is when we trust God wholeheartedly with all aspects of our lives; God has never let me down before, so why should I worry or doubt Him now? The song inspired me to paint the painting on the right because it's easy for me to make all these plans for my life first and then try to fit God into them, but when I put God first and follow his lead, He reveals things to me that are amazing and are so much better than I could have imagined.

I've questioned why I felt led to do MATUL and overseas missions work. I don't think I'm a particularly brave or adventurous person. Change is really hard for me. I once told a friend that the only kinds of changes I like are moving furniture around and eating different foods. Even studying abroad in Botswana my junior year was tough for me, and that was only for 4.5 months. But I trust that God has something really beautiful in store for me. Even in this last month, I felt that God has been teaching me to "let go." He's been teaching me that sometimes the things that I want are not always the things that I need. A quote I really like from C.S. Lewis is, "There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind."

In less than a week I'll be moving to an apartment in central Los Angeles and starting MATUL a few days after. I'm getting pretty anxious as the days I'll be spending at home in Northern California are dwindling down. On a side note, most of my books for the semester have already arrived and I'm really looking forward to reading them. There's so much that I have yet to learn.

Most of my books for Fall semester. I'm excited!
Time to break out the highlighters, colorful pens, and post its. (: