Summer: Transition, Joys, Challenges, and Fears

The last couple of months have definitely had their ups and downs. But who doesn't have ups and downs?

It's only been about 2 months since I left UCSB and all my friends there, but it feels like a lot longer. I was warned in advance that the transition after college would be difficult, and I agree. It's hard to say goodbye to friends who I've spent most of the last four years with and grown really close to. But I think that challenges like this are good. I think we grow much more from them than we do from the "comfortable" events and happenings in our lives. I must say that I do miss being able to walk 2 blocks from my apartment and be at the beach.

I went on a brief missions trip to Mexico with my church at the beginning of a July and it was such a blessing. The camp is called Rancho Genesis and you get paired with 2-3 amigos from an orphanage, and they're your buddies for the week (you eat meals with them, play games together, and sightsee together).  The camp is a combination of VBS (Vacation Bible School) and going out to do fun things (we went golfing, to the beach, the pool, to a Chinese restaurant, etc.) with the kids. I loved being able to be away from my cell phone, computer, and other distracting things and focus solely on loving my kids. Even though I got sick in the middle of the week and did not particularly enjoy the cold, outdoor showers, God reaffirmed my desire for simple living. I find that being uncomfortable reminds me that I need to draw near to Him at all times.  

With my amigos, Nayeli & Paulina, at La Buffadora. I miss them.

I'm definitely nervous about doing MATUL. There are so many unknowns in the future and personally, I really like to know exactly what's coming. For classes, I would scan every word of the syllabus so I knew what important deadlines to look out for and what exactly the professor was expecting. In preparing myself for MATUL this summer, there were so many concerns that constantly plagued me: Where am I going to live? Will I be able to handle all the stresses of the program?  How will I fundraise? Will I be able to handle the workload of school again? Am I crazy for doing this? What about the graduations, weddings, and other important events that I'll be missing out on? I've had trouble sleeping for most of the last month because I've been so stressed about life.

The song "Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)" by Hillsong United is a pretty popular song right now within Christian circles, but has really resonated with me the last several months as I've been preparing for MATUL and getting ready to plunge into the unknown. This song is also where I got the title of my blog. Almost every time I listen to the song, I get super emotional. The first time (of many...) that I've cried when listening to this song was when I had gone with my roommates to see Hillsong United perform at the Hollywood Bowl in June.

"Oceans" inspired me to paint this. 

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
(You can listen to it here)

The lyrics remind me of how beautiful it is when we trust God wholeheartedly with all aspects of our lives; God has never let me down before, so why should I worry or doubt Him now? The song inspired me to paint the painting on the right because it's easy for me to make all these plans for my life first and then try to fit God into them, but when I put God first and follow his lead, He reveals things to me that are amazing and are so much better than I could have imagined.

I've questioned why I felt led to do MATUL and overseas missions work. I don't think I'm a particularly brave or adventurous person. Change is really hard for me. I once told a friend that the only kinds of changes I like are moving furniture around and eating different foods. Even studying abroad in Botswana my junior year was tough for me, and that was only for 4.5 months. But I trust that God has something really beautiful in store for me. Even in this last month, I felt that God has been teaching me to "let go." He's been teaching me that sometimes the things that I want are not always the things that I need. A quote I really like from C.S. Lewis is, "There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind."

In less than a week I'll be moving to an apartment in central Los Angeles and starting MATUL a few days after. I'm getting pretty anxious as the days I'll be spending at home in Northern California are dwindling down. On a side note, most of my books for the semester have already arrived and I'm really looking forward to reading them. There's so much that I have yet to learn.

Most of my books for Fall semester. I'm excited!
Time to break out the highlighters, colorful pens, and post its. (:

How did I end up doing MATUL?

Before I get into all the details of things that have happened in the last month or so in preparing for MATUL, I'll provide some background as to how I ended up selecting the MATUL program. It's kind of a long story. I'll try to keep it brief...ish.

Let's backtrack to last summer. I went on the Global Urban Trek to Kolkata, India and it really changed my perspective on a lot of things. The Global Urban Trek is a 6 week long missions trip organized through InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, and it immerses college students in slum communities in order to provide students with a better understanding of God's heart for the urban poor as they serve at ministry sites and live alongside the urban poor. It's hard to encapsulate my time in Kolkata in a few sentences, but I can definitely say that it has been the singular, most life-changing event to date (this is of course after coming to Christ and all, but you knew that). A few of the many things that God revealed to me during the Trek include: how privileged I am to live the life I'm living, how few material things we really need to be joyful when we have Jesus, and how much He loves his people and wants them to know that there is hope despite their difficult situation. 

Hanging out with some kiddies at my ministry site. Not sure why the
 little boy in blue always looked angry ahaha.

At the end of the Global Urban Trek, students are asked to commit to at least two years living alongside and serving the urban poor. I knew this going into the trip, and wrestled with this potential commitment throughout the trip. God didn't provide me with a resounding "yes" or "no" and I felt like I should feel compelled to serve for the 2 years after seeing all the devastating poverty, but ended up not saying "yes" during our debriefing time at the end of the trip. 

Let's jump to December 2012. I attended a triennial InterVarsity missions conference called Urbana; it's a huge conference held in St. Louis, Missouri that draws ~15-20,000 college students from all over the United States, Canada, and beyond. Hundreds of Christian organizations table at the conference and there's workshops, speakers, worship, and all kinds of good stuff. I didn't have any particular expectations or goals for the conference, but wanted to be open to any opportunities that I might come across or be interested in as I didn't have any post-college plans as of yet. I attended seminars in my Urban Poverty track and listened to the large-session speakers talk about sacrifice and how worthy Jesus is of all of our affections and trust. I was really convicted by what some of the speakers had said and ended up committing on the last night of the conference to doing at least 2 years of cross-cultural missions (in particular, among the urban poor). I thought, "Why not? What is this life if it's not lived fully for God? Two years in comparison to the rest of my life doesn't seem that long." At the same time, a little voice in the back of my head was like, "What did you just get yourself into?!" 

My friend Shayne and I got to pack World Vision medical kits at Urbana because we were part of the Urban Poverty track. In total, about 16,000 kits were assembled and packed to be sent to areas that have high populations with HIV/AIDS. It was pretty awesome.

As I returned to Santa Barbara for school for Winter quarter, I browsed through the handouts and pamphlets of various missions organizations like Salvation Army, Servant Partners, OMF International, etc. and did research as to what organization(s) aligned with my personal interests and if they offered long-term opportunities that I'd be interested in. After much prayer and discussion with close friends, I ended up selecting MATUL. Interestingly, the same friend who had told me to consider the Global Urban Trek (instead of a different missions trip I was considering) had mentioned that I should look into MATUL and so I did.  I honestly hadn't seriously considered the program before, even after talking to the man who tabled at Urbana for it; he wasn't very convincing and didn't know too much about the program aside from what the brochures said. MATUL just seemed like a great fit for me- I love learning in a structured setting and the service and ministry aspect of the program seemed really great. Being able to learn and love & serve people with all the cool things I'd be learning? Perfect. 

And so in March I applied for the program. I wrote the essays, got the letters of recommendation, and submitted the application. About a month or so later, I had the online interview for the program and then I was accepted! So...that's most of the important details and happenings that have resulted in my decision to do MATUL. Now you know. (: